I focused on my physical health goals and pushing doctors to work with me to define what has been happening with my body and how to treat my pain long-term and in a way that would significantly improve my quality of life. (It appears I may have something called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, or CRPS, though the diagnosis is not yet official.) I also kept busting my ass in my rehabilitative workouts in the pool and with my personal trainer. I dropped 9 inches from August to October, from my waist, chest, and hips.

Brain: No. Don't do that thing you feel like it's important to do. It will be fine. The world won't stop spinning. Also brain: You should feel horrible about not doing that thing! Now everyone is going to be disappointed in you and they'll never want to read your blog again!

I am Kelly Nerdzilla Mendenhall. I am an author, entrepreneur, and love terrorist living with chronic pain and invisible illness. I help other badass unicorns, like myself, break away from 'tradition' and create a life and career that honors their special needs and limitations.

I want to be an unstoppabl einfluence. I want to help others while learning and growing myself -- ideally, I'd like to make enough money to pay my bills while doing it. That's not something that's impossible, it's just not something I believe I could have achieved had I continued to feel trapped and oppressed in a traditional work setting. 

This was, to my recollection, my very first time eating crow. I felt awful. I felt kind of like Tanya was going to kick my ass, but she didn't. Maybe she saw the look in my eyes and at 7 or 8 years old could already recognize honest remorse and pure humiliation and shame.

Tomorrow, Friday, I head in for lumbar facet injections bright and early in the morning. The purpose is twofold: It will, hopefully, help with the pain in my low back and maybe some of my leg pain.