We don't have to drown in the shame of it any longer.If you've been 'afraid to go there' through talk therapy (CBT) or EMDR, please believe me when I say it's probably not as bad as you imagine and definitely not as bad as whatever trauma you lived through in the first place. 

You deserve to heal.

My therapist calls 'should' a 'church word.' She says we go around 'shoulding' ourselves all the time, and it has an unhealthy impact on our subconscious, because by saying we should be doing something that we don't want to do, or that isn't in our best interests, maybe because of some misplaced desire to be polite, we are telling our subconscious that our needs come last.

Tomorrow, Friday, I head in for lumbar facet injections bright and early in the morning. The purpose is twofold: It will, hopefully, help with the pain in my low back and maybe some of my leg pain.

As I look out upon the horizon of another twelve months, I wish for myself that I remember to say, "Fuck the haters." May I only take time for the Yay-Sayers and remember that I can't take worry to the bank, so I need not worry about what others think of me / my business / my story.

I am normally a very loving, kind person. I may say things super bluntly (especially for southerners) and I definitely say "fuck" a whole lot, but I'm kind. My friends actually call me the Love Terrorist. It started with my friend Lisa and I owned it and now it's just a thing.

I have done a lot of hard work in therapy throughout my adult life. I've had two therapists especially who I credit with helping me to make my biggest breakthroughs so that I could function as a healthy (albeit imperfect) adult. Because of all of this hard work I am generally able to maintain my moods and emotional well-being with extremely low doses of a particular medication and a heaping mountain of self awareness and self-care practices (thanks social worker friends!) Diet and exercise also play a roll.

Throwing chronic pain into my mix, though...I didn't see that freight train coming, y'all.